Whether they are being pressured by peers to try drugs or harassed in school, possibly being bullied online, coerced to send sexual images — or engaging with less than ethical people in their virtual world? These short talks can help them not only build trust but give them a level of comfort in speaking with you.

Many parents today are working full-time (or even taken a second job), some are now taking care of their elderly parents, and most are stressed out about making ends meet financially.

By the time the evening rolls around everyone is exhausted and the last thing many parents want to do is talk.  Without communication with your teenager, the risk of negative behavior is high.

Short Chats are Priceless

We need to realize short talks can be in the car going to sporting or dance practices, driving to school, or suggest they help you cook a meal together.

With short chats, you can have small doses of how you can better protect your teens from what they are facing, they do not feel as if they are boxed into a big lecture where a teen can tune you out. Now you can give them snippets of advice they are more likely to remember. Never doubt, you are their greatest influence.

Keys to C.H.A.T.

C – Communication is key.  Offline parenting will help online safety.  Never stop talking about your teen’s daily digital lives.  It is just as important as how their day was at school. Research shares that 45% teens are online almost constantly, let’s hope yours is not one of them, but this leaves them at risk for  exposure to cyberbullying, predators and scams.

H – Help is always a call/text away. Be sure your teen knows you are available to them no matter what. They should never have to fear you will judge them, especially if they are in a situation that they know you would not approve of.  Their safety is your priority — always.

A – Action plans.  Talk to your teen about action plans for different and/or difficult situations. If they are being harassed at school, bullied online, asked to send sexual images, considering having sex — making these conversations as short or long as they feel comfortable and, in each chat, giving them more valuable information is building their trust in you.  You are your teen’s advocate, and they will eventually not only know this — but feel it.

T – Treat others as you want to be treated.  It is coming back to that old cliché.  It is the most important rule online and offline. Always treat people with kindness.  It is a priority. With kindness comes respect — and as we know, this is a two-way street. In our short talks both parent and teen should respect each other’s opinions (even if you do not like what you hear) and discuss your reasons without arguments.

It is imperative to understand that today society the online world is as important to our teen’s lives as their daily offline world.  We must also treat it that way.

Talking to them on a daily basis, even if it’s only for 10-15 minutes is essential in strengthening your relationship. Keep in mind, it’s no longer simply about how was your school day, always include what’s new in their digital world.  Asking them if they meet any new virtual friends (especially if they are an active gamer), is crucial. Many young people are starting online relationships and taking it offline without their parents’ knowledge. In some situations, these are not safe.

This isn’t about being a nosey parent, it’s about being informed, educated and building a strong relationship with your teen — so they feel comfortable coming to you not only when things are good, but especially when they are struggling. 

Our teens may always be an app ahead of us, but they will always need our parenting wisdom. Never stop having your short chats.

How will you start your daily 15 minutes chats?

Also read:

Why Teens Are Secretive About Online Their Lives

Causes of Teenage Mental Health Issues

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Has your teen become secretive, shut-down, isolated? Have you exhausted your local resources — you’re not able to get through to them? Are you concerned about their mental health? Learn more about the benefits of residential treatment for teen help — contact us.

The post Why Short Talks Build Strong Relationships first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Screen use is one thing, and teen psychology is quite another, though both contribute to potential communication issues between teens and adults. The brain doesn’t stop developing until we are around 25 years of age, and in teens, the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain involved in reasoning and making decisions) is still very much in development. 

This means that teens can be more impulsive and find it harder to pay attention and listen. Then there is the generation gap. Teens are very much peer-centered, and are often far more interested in what other teens have to say than in adult viewpoints. All this amounts to a challenge for parents wishing to maintain open lines of communication. The good news is that there are a myriad of ways to overcome these obstacles and create a fruitful relationship with the teen in your life.

The Power of Active Listening

Getting your teen to communicate more with you starts by working on your own listening skills. The buzzword in communication studies in current times is active listening, which involves ensuring that your teen truly feels heard.

In order to listen to them actively, be fully present for your teen. Face them and maintain eye contact, without interrupting them. Listen without judging, jumping to conclusions, or offering unsolicited advice. 

Show that you are listening by nodding and paraphrasing what they are saying, and ask questions to clarify their viewpoint. Stay focused and observe the non-verbal cues they may be sending you. Don’t make the mistake of planning what you’re going to say as soon as they are quiet. Focus more on trying to really understand the thoughts and emotions they are trying to convey.

Broaching Difficult Subjects

Some subjects are inherently challenging to talk about with teens. For instance, if you discover your teen is smoking, then simply telling them not to or threatening them with punishment may actually be counter-productive. To encourage teens to quit harmful habits like smoking, avoid giving them dire warnings or showing them scary pictures. Most teens aren’t really focused on what their lungs will look like in 20 years, so think about how you can reach them more effectively. 

The use of positive teen influencers and storytelling are two ways that may reach your teen more effectively. Health and fitness influencers like Barnare Madolora, Jin Young Lee, and Kailane Ramos have hundreds of thousands of followers, and they share key fitness and nutrition tips with their followers. You can also tell your teen the stories of celebrities who have quit, with great results. Rumer Willis, Paris Jackson, and Lady Gaga have all shared stories of how hard it is to quit smoking and why it’s better not to start in the first place!

Choosing the Moment

Teens can sometimes be reluctant to share their trials and tribulations with parents, so it is vital to be observant and watch out for signs that they aren’t interested in speaking. If they answer you curtly, look at their phone, or display closed body language, then chances are, it isn’t the best time to start a conversation. Instead, wait until you are out and about together, enjoying quality time and building a relaxed and open mood.

When your teen is feeling close to you, they are much more likely to answer targeted questions that don’t seem too intrusive, but that do aim to discover more about what is taking place in your teen’s life.In a world that is dominated by screens and social media, connecting with teens can be a challenge. However, it is easier than it seems to get around communication obstacles and bond with your teen loved one. 

By mastering active listening, broaching difficult subjects with finesse, and choosing the right moment, you can foster honest, open, and effective communication. Avoid lecturing and pick up the art of understanding instead. It’s time to bridge the generation gap and build a fruitful relationship with the teens in your life. Let the meaningful conversations begin.

Also read:

How to Help Your Troubled Teen That Refuses Therapy

How Boxing Helps Teenage Mental Health

The post Fostering Honest, Open, Effective Communication with Teens first appeared on Help Your Teens.

One of the most important and challenging skills to learn as a parent is how to give your teen constructive criticism. Many parents struggle to find the fine line between being overly critical and being constructive with the feedback they give their teens.

Despite the discomfort that often comes with both providing and receiving feedback, it is an inevitable part of life. Learning how to give your teen constructive yet gentle criticism will help them foster a healthy relationship with criticism and maintain a healthy relationship with you.

Receiving constructive criticism is healthy for your teen

Constructive criticism not only provides your teen with an opportunity to improve but also builds their resilience. Throughout their lives, they will face countless criticisms–both constructive and destructive.

Receiving gentle feedback from you exposes them to a healthy form of criticism. It teaches them that feedback is not intended to put them down but to build them up into a better version of themselves. ‘It means you wholeheartedly believe in their ability to do better. Giving your teen constructive criticism the right way enables them to distinguish healthy and supportive feedback from criticism that is cruel and harmful,” says Marian Larson, a writer at Studydemic and Academized.

Create a safe space for your teen to receive feedback

Before assailing your teen with countless ways to improve, ensure you have cultivated a relationship that actually makes them feel safe to receive feedback from you.

Do you listen to them when they speak? Truly listen. With no judgment, but with the aim to understand them better.

Can they trust you to only give feedback with the intention to help them improve? Feedback that isn’t laced with shame or blame?

Do you talk to your teen or do you talk at them? Are your conversations a two-way street?

Criticizing your teen is easy and almost as natural as breathing to most parents, but the difficulty lies in convincing them to listen. Just like any other relationship, effective communication with your teen requires a two-way street. Building a healthy, loving relationship based on mutual respect and trust is necessary if you want your teen to listen to you.

Avoid shaming, overly criticizing, or comparing your teen to others

It can be difficult sometimes to recognize the difference between parenting and shaming, especially so if your own parents corrected your behavior this way growing up. “If shame-ridden and guilt-loaded criticism was the only style of behavior modification parenting used on you by your parents, it can even seem like the norm. This mentally harmful cycle should end with you,” explains Dana Wilson, a parenting blogger.

A general good rule of thumb is that constructive criticism addresses a specific behavior. Focus on the action that requires improvement instead of your teen’s character. Avoid shaming statements that accuse them of being something wrong as opposed to doing something wrong. There’s a difference between your teen being lazy and your teen not doing their chores as consistently as you would like them to. One is a character flaw, the other is a behavior that can be easily fixed.

Implying something is wrong with who they are could seriously damage your teen’s confidence and mental health. Instead, identify the behavior that you would like them to change, explain your reasoning for wanting the change, and clearly state what they can do to improve.

Another hurtful style of parenting to avoid is comparing your teen to someone else. It suggests that they are not good enough for you. This could breed harmful tendencies such as feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and self-loathing.

Frame mistakes as opportunities for personal growth

Define mistakes to your teen as opportunities to learn through experience. It’s what you do after a stumble that matters most, not the fact that you stumbled.

Criticism should be followed by affirmations of their positive traits to reassure your teen that they are more than their worst mistakes. This also reminds them of their capabilities and encourages them to do better.

Explore your own relationship with criticism

Do you speak to yourself with kindness and compassion after a mistake? Or are you overly critical and mean? Your relationship with yourself tends to determine your relationships with other people, including your teen. Modeling a healthy way of responding to constructive criticism can cause your teen to imitate your approach. Remember that you are your teen’s most influential role model, regardless of whether they like to admit it or not. So go easy on yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

Read: Short Chats Build Strong Relationships.

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If you are struggling with your teenager that’s causing family conflict or negative behavioral concerns and you have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential treatment can help your troubled teen and your family. Contact us today for  a free consultation.

Contributor: Emily Henry

The post Gentle Ways To Give Your Teen Constructive Criticism first appeared on Help Your Teens.