Whether your teen is isolating themselves in their bedroom or not adhering to your family rules or curfews, the tension can be frustrating and lead to conflict and even property destruction.

Are you facing:

-Defiance, anger, rage (especially if you remove or threaten to remove their phone)?
-Backtalk, attitude, entitlement?
-Does your teen ignore you when you speak to them?
-Are they disrespectful to you and others in the home?
-Do they become aggressive for no reason over little things?
-Do they seem sad, anxious or withdrawn?
–Sibling conflict?

Reality is, conflict is a normal part of family life, however, can escalate during the teenage years. There are times when family conflict goes beyond normal, when you are in fear of your safety or the safety of others in the home — or your teen is self-destructive.  This is when you need to seek outside professional resources.

3 Ways to Avoid Family Conflict with Your Teenager

1. Communication. It’s sounds cliché but it’s key to having a peaceful family life. The truth is, raising teenagers is not easy, and communicating with them can be more of a struggle, but you can do it. Short chats will build strong relationships.

Do not just talk when you need to or when there’s trouble, make it a point to always find something to chat about. It’s important not to focus (or as a teen would view it) nag about school grades but talk about their interests. Possibly sports, movies, a favorite series, or books — keep it light but engaging.

Building a bond with your teenager can help you when you hit those rough patches.

2. Resolve negativity immediately. If something your teen is doing is annoying you, don’t allow it to linger and fester. Parents will continue to say it is typical teenage behavior — until it explodes into a family battleground. Letting your tensions build up will ruin the relationship. It is better to sit down calmly and explain why you do not agree with the certain behavior.

By having a family discussion everyone can hear each other’s opinion on the situation and maybe you can come to a resolution that makes the entire family happy — or teen has a better understanding of why it is in their best interest to change this behavior.

3. Empathy. We’re living in a world full of conflict and some would say — hate. Teenagers live the majority of their lives online. Social media can be filled with contentious content, which makes it more crucial for parents to have a home that is empathic and compassionate to the family unit.

When you get angry with your teen, whether they forgot to do their chores (clean their room, empty the dishwasher), remember to talk to them withhold criticism and judgement. You will get further by listening to them, although they may or may not have a legitimate excuse, you will be able to communicate better with your teen.

The experts also point out that parents need to understand that a good parent-child relationship, which is not easy to maintain, requires mutual understanding between parent and child. If you feel that the tension in your home has escalated beyond your control, do not hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals.

Read: 5 Benefits of Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Read: Why Boarding Schools Work When Home Therapy Doesn’t.

Read: What Causes Teenage Mental Health Issues.

###

If you’ve exhausted your local resources for family conflict, contact us for a free consultation about the right therapeutic boarding school for your teen and family.

The post 3 Ways to Avoid Family Conflict With Your Teen first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Fault Lines: Real solutions to a hidden epidemic: family estrangement.

By Karl Pillemer, Ph.D.

Estrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved–collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations, More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them.

In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families.

Fault Lines shares for the first time findings from Dr. Pillemer’s ten-year groundbreaking Cornell Reconciliation Project, based on the first national survey on estrangement; rich, in-depth interviews with hundreds of people who have experienced it; and insights from leading family researchers and therapists. He assures people who are estranged, and those who care about them, that they are not alone and that fissures can be bridged.

Through the wisdom of people who have “been there,” Fault Lines shows how healing is possible through clear steps that people can use right away in their own families. It addresses such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful? Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative?

Tackling a subject that is achingly familiar to almost everyone, especially in an era when powerful outside forces such as technology and mobility are lessening family cohesion, Dr. Pillemer combines dramatic stories, science-based guidance, and practical repair tools to help people find the path to reconciliation.

Order on Amazon.

The breakdown of your family unit can mean the destruction of each individual emotionally. Is your teen controlling your household? Do you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells? Have you exhausted your local resources? Is this tearing your family apart? It might be time to consider outside resources.

###

If you are struggling with your teenager that’s causing family conflict and have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential treatment can help your troubled teen. Contact us today for  a free consultation.

The post Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them first appeared on Help Your Teens.

According to Family Systems Theory, families are systems of interconnected and interdependent individuals, none of whom can be understood in isolation from the system. Family conflict can occur when a teen’s problematic behaviors lead to a destabilizing of the family system.

Family conflict is natural and inevitable. No family can live in perfect harmony and at some point in time, every family will experience some form of conflict. When discord lasts longer than a few days or weeks though, tensions tend to rise, and it can be tough to handle.

Whether it’s one family member stirring the pot, or a general sense of “brokenness” among the family members, a drastic, prolonged, and negative change in family dynamic can be cause for professional help. Starting with local therapy is always a good beginning.

Causes of Family Conflict

There are innumerable causes for family discord but there are a few general causes that show up over and over again. Sometimes the mental health of a teen can negatively impact the family and cause discord. Other times parental conflict, sudden life changes (such as a death in the family, a move, a divorce – etc), emotional distance, or other destabilizing factors can throw the family dynamic for a loop and discord forms.

There are several ways to deal with family conflict:

1. Practice empathy:  Whether you want to admit it or not, it takes two people to fight. Take a step back from the situation and see if there is anything about your own behavior that you can work on before attending your family event. Try to think about the situation from the other person’s perspective. What do they need or what are they getting out of it? Is it possible they had good intentions? Was there a miscommunication that needs clarification?

2. Agree to disagree: Sometimes two good people, even those raised in the same home environment, end up having very different personalities, experiences, and beliefs. Family discord often stems from situations where “right” and “wrong” are subjective.

If you are convinced that preparing a strong argument for your side, or against theirs, will solve the problem, you may need to think again. Be careful not to mock or belittle things that are important to a family member. In cases like this, it is best to accept that you feel differently about a subject and let it go. It might not be easy but will be worth it.

3. Leave emotions aside: Because we are deeply connected to our family members, it is difficult to recognize when our emotions are getting too intense. We feel that our reactions are justified, and we feel more deeply hurt than we might if the same thing happened with a friend or coworker.

Try to take a step back and look at the situation as if you were a third party observer and try to separate the problem from the people involved. If you were asked to mediate, what would you suggest the two participants do differently? Is it possible you overreacted? Is there a compromise that can be reached? Try to look at the situation objectively.

4. Remain calm: This isn’t easy, but necessary. Practice breathing techniques ahead of time or hide a stress ball in your pocket to squeeze when you start to get upset. Rehearse possible scenarios in your mind before you get there and prepare calm responses. If a family member tries to push your buttons, walk away and don’t say anything to encourage or escalate the conversation. Again, it can be difficult but exploding will always keep the battle brewing.

Read: 5 Benefits of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens.

Read: Is Therapeutic Boarding Schools Effective?

###

If you feel your teen is out-of-control and you have exhausting your local resources, therapy is not working, it might be time to learn more about how residential treatment can benefit your family.

The post How to Resolve Family Conflict with Teens first appeared on Help Your Teens.