Teenage manipulation is also a form of bullying. Parenting teens is challenging today, handling with a manipulative teenager adds a level of difficulty and stress to everyone involved.

Not only are young people capable of bullying their friends, but many teens also bully their parents. Teen manipulation can make you feel helpless and insecure about your parenting.

To keep everyone emotionally healthy, it is crucial to identify this behavior and handle it before it impacts your parenting and family.

5 Ways Your Teen Manipulates You

1. Emotional Blackmail. Teenagers often need and want things from their parents, and they may use your feelings to control your behavior. For example, a teenager may emotionally blackmail you by acting sad or withholding affection until they get their way.

2.  Anger and explosive behavior. They may throw things, get into a heated argument with you, or scream – hoping this will change your mind. The behavior is like throwing a tantrum on a bigger scale. Teen aggression is common when teens do not get their own way.

3.  The guilt-trip. When your teen says things to you like “you love my sister more than you love me,” they usually don’t mean it. Teens use guilt-tripping  to manipulate you. In extreme cases, they will threaten to commit suicide if they don’t have their way.

 4.  Planned out lying. Teens can manipulate your through lies. They will promise to do something you want them to do if you allow them to do what they want. For example, if you allow them to go to the mall for extra time, they will promise to do extra chores. When you allow them, they forget their promise.

5. Broken record. There is nothing like breaking a parent down when your teen uses repetition to wear you down and make you give in. To break this habit, stand firm in your decision. Be prepared, come up with a reply and repeat it every time the situation demands it.

3 Ways to Handle Teen Manipulation

No one enjoys dealing with teen manipulation. If you’re a parent going through this, you’re probably feeling angry, sad, confused, or even betrayed. It is always helpful to talk to your spouse, partner, friend or even a therapist to sort out your feelings in addressing these behaviors in your teen.

It can be tricky to crack down on your teen’s manipulative behavior because you want them to be happy. Nevertheless, sometimes it is crucial to put your foot down and lay the rules down. Here are some that could be useful:

1. Set Boundaries

Like with smartphone contracts, young people want boundaries. It is important to be clear and concise on your house rules (boundaries) and what your expectations are, as well as what their consequences will be.

It’s common for teens to test boundaries to see where there’s room to expand or break them. Intervening immediately is often the most effective approach:

• Communicate the boundaries again.
• Discuss the wrongdoing or disrespectful behaviors.
• Enforce the consequences.

Clear communication is often beneficial in setting rules, as well as respecting your teen’s personal boundaries.

2. Consistence Consequences

If your teen is constantly manipulating you or lying to you, they need to know it is not acceptable and won’t be tolerated. It is important to be calm, but firm and clear with communication about their behavior and the consequences. It is always helpful to talk to your spouse, partner, friend or even a therapist to sort out your feelings in addressing these behaviors in your teen.

Not enforcing the consequences you have laid out may encourage manipulative behavior, so it is important to consistently follow through. Not addressing manipulative behavior in teens can encourage a pattern that may impact their future adult relationships.

3. Parent and Teen Relationship

Manipulative behavior is not usually something (most) teenagers intentionally engage in. They use it because (at that moment) they feel it is the only way to get their needs met.

If you begin to create a positive, healthy relationship with your teenager — they will be able to speak more freely about their needs and feelings. It is likely you will see an improvement in their behavior.

Actions speak louder than words are also true in strengthening relationships with your teenager. Here are some ways you can start building your bond:

• Make time to have coffee or lunch together
• Check in with each other regularly
• Be respectful of boundaries and of each other
• Find volunteer work together
• Cook meals together

Working on positive reinforcement and a healthy relationship is much easier and more effective than punishing negative behavior.

Also read:

Goals of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens

Why Therapeutic Boarding Schools Work When Home Therapy Fails

Causes of Teenage Mental Health Issues

The post How to Handle Teen Manipulation first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Teenage manipulation is also a form of bullying. Parenting teens is challenging today, dealing with a manipulative teenager can be extremely frustrating and draining.

Not only are young people capable of bullying their friends, but many teens also bully their parents. A manipulative teenager can make you feel helpless and insecure about your parenting.

To keep everyone emotionally healthy, it is crucial to identify this behavior and deal with it before it impacts your parenting and family.

5 Ways Your Teen Manipulates You

1. Emotional Blackmail. Teenagers often need and want things from their parents, and they may use your feelings to control your behavior. For example, a teenager may emotionally blackmail you by acting sad or withholding affection until they get their way.

2.  Anger and explosive behavior. They may throw things, get into a heated argument with you, or scream – hoping this will change your mind. The behavior is like throwing a tantrum on a bigger scale. Teen aggression is common when teens do not get their own way.

3.  The guilt-trip. When your teen says things to you like “you love my sister more than you love me,” they usually don’t mean it. Teens use guilt-tripping  to manipulate you. In extreme cases, they will threaten to commit suicide if they don’t have their way.

 4.  Planned out lying. Teens can manipulate your through lies. They will promise to do something you want them to do if you allow them to do what they want. For example, if you allow them to go to the mall for extra time, they will promise to do extra chores. When you allow them, they forget their promise.

5. Broken record. There is nothing like breaking a parent down when your teen uses repetition to wear you down and make you give in. To break this habit, stand firm in your decision. Be prepared, come up with a reply and repeat it every time the situation demands it.

3 Ways to Deal With Teen Manipulation

No one enjoys dealing with teen manipulation. If you’re a parent going through this, you’re probably feeling angry, sad, confused, or even betrayed. It is always helpful to talk to your spouse, partner, friend or even a therapist to sort out your feelings in addressing these behaviors in your teen.

It can be tricky to crack down on your teen’s manipulative behavior because you want them to be happy. Nevertheless, sometimes it is crucial to put your foot down and lay the rules down. Here are some that could be useful:

1. Set Boundaries

Like with smartphone contracts, young people want boundaries. It is important to be clear and concise on your house rules (boundaries) and what your expectations are, as well as what their consequences will be.

It’s common for teens to test boundaries to see where there’s room to expand or break them. Intervening immediately is often the most effective approach:

• Communicate the boundaries again.
• Discuss the wrongdoing or disrespectful behaviors.
• Enforce the consequences.

Clear communication is often beneficial in setting rules, as well as respecting your teen’s personal boundaries.

2. Consistence Consequences

If your teen is constantly manipulating you or lying to you, they need to know it is not acceptable and won’t be tolerated. It is important to be calm, but firm and clear with communication about their behavior and the consequences. It is always helpful to talk to your spouse, partner, friend or even a therapist to sort out your feelings in addressing these behaviors in your teen.

Not enforcing the consequences you have laid out may encourage manipulative behavior, so it is important to consistently follow through. Not addressing manipulative behavior in teens can encourage a pattern that may impact their future adult relationships.

3. Parent and Teen Relationship

Manipulative behavior is not usually something (most) teenagers intentionally engage in. They use it because (at that moment) they feel it is the only way to get their needs met.

If you begin to create a positive, healthy relationship with your teenager — they will be able to speak more freely about their needs and feelings. It is likely you will see an improvement in their behavior.

Actions speak louder than words are also true in strengthening relationships with your teenager. Here are some ways you can start building your bond:

• Make time to have coffee or lunch together
• Check in with each other regularly
• Be respectful of boundaries and of each other
• Find volunteer work together
• Cook meals together

Working on positive reinforcement and a healthy relationship is much easier and more effective than punishing negative behavior.

Also read:

Goals of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens

How Bullying Impacts A Teen’s Mental Health

###

If you’re struggling with a manipulative teenager, you’ve exhausted your local resources and at your wit’s end, contact us to find out the benefits of residential therapy for teen help.

The post How to Deal With Teen Manipulation first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Don’t panic too much, many teens will lie to their parents, if you think back to your childhood there were probably times when you weren’t completely honest with your own parents.  However when this behavior becomes chronic as well as places them in risky situations, there has to be consequences.

We don’t condone dishonesty.

Lying leads to manipulation with parents and if a teen is seeing a therapist, it can bleed into those sessions too, which means you are paying for counseling of things that may not be really happening.

Getting to the root of the problem, why is your teen lying?

Of course they know you won’t approve of their actions or may not allow them to do what they want to do or definitely won’t understand the truth.

When your child is younger, spotting a fib isn’t much of a challenge. Little ones don’t quite have the skills they need to fabricate a plausible excuse, so picking apart a questionable story is usually the work of a moment. As kids get older and hone their skills in the world of deception, however, it usually becomes a bit more difficult to spot a false story.

Accusing your teen of lying when she’s telling the truth can cause a major blow-up and do serious damage to your relationship, but letting her out of the house with a flimsy story can put her in dangerous situations. At no time in your child’s life is it more difficult to pick out a lie than when she’s a teenager, but it’s also the time when it’s most imperative.

While there’s no fool-proof method of pulling out the truth when a teen is determined to lie, there are a few things you can keep in mind that may help you get to the bottom of a story before things get out of hand.

Look for Out-of-Character Behavior

Just as all poker players have a tell or two that will tip off an opponent in the know, everyone has a few tics that can give them away when they lie. The key to spotting suspicious behavior in your teen, however, is to be intimately familiar with her habits when she’s telling the truth. When you know your child and her mannerisms through and through, you’ll be better positioned to pick up on inconsistencies that indicate a lie or two.

For instance, a teen that normally looks at the floor may be conscious that she needs to make eye contact in order to sell her story, and may hold that eye contact for so long that it tips you off to her tall tales. Any mannerisms that are out-of-character and suspicious can be indicators that she’s lying, so be on the lookout for changes in behavior.

Listen Carefully

It’s easy to get so caught up in trying to decode your teen’s behavior that you miss out on the most important aspect of determining the veracity of a story: just listening. Make sure that you pay attention to not only your teen’s mannerisms, but also what she says and how she says it. Long pauses after you ask a question are usually the result of your teen looking for holes in her story before answering, concocting an answer to your question that falls in line with her previous tale or to cover her tracks in case of a misstep. Slight stuttering or stammering or a change in pitch may also be indicators that your teen’s story isn’t entirely true.

Observe Her Body Language

A teenager that’s normally poised and graceful may have a perfect, seamless story to tell that fails only because her shifty body language betrays her. Look for fidgeting, excessive touching of the face, mouth or neck, tapping toes or a visible struggle to stand still. If your teen is suddenly fascinated with the hemline of a shirt or a stray thread poking out of a seam, she may be looking for an excuse to avoid making eye contact with you. Watching your child’s body language and comparing it with her normal behavior can give you a good idea of when her story is less than honest.

Ask Questions

Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions, or even the strange ones. Your job as a parent is to find out where your teen is going and what she’s up to, so don’t shy away from questioning a story that doesn’t sit right with you. Follow your instincts and listen to what your own experience tells you. If there’s a loose thread in your teen’s story, follow it to see how well that story holds up. Look for inconsistencies or discrepancies with the information you already have versus what she’s giving you.

Social Media

Are you monitoring her online activity?  Is there anything that is not adding up online that she is telling you differently offline?  Keep in mind, when safety trumps privacy it is a parents responsibility to dig deeper.  Your child’s safety is a priority.

Trust Her

While it may seem like trusting a teenager is just asking for trouble, you may be actively harming your relationship with her by questioning every word that falls from her mouth. Realizing the importance of showing her that you do trust her, and letting her know that you’re approachable when she’s in need of help or advice can actually foster a more open relationship that’s based on mutual trust and respect.

When you work to build that trust, you won’t have to worry so much about picking apart her stories, as she’ll be more honest with you from the outset of a conversation. Accusing your child of lying when she’s telling you the truth only makes her angry and makes her more likely to stretch the boundaries of the truth in the future. After all, if she’s being accused of lying and punished undeservedly for dishonesty, why shouldn’t she at least earn your lack of trust and the penalties you level against her by doing exactly what you accuse her of?

Also read:

5 Benefits of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens

Are Therapeutic Boarding Schools Effective?

Where to Send My Troubled Teen

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Have you exhausted your local resources?  Are they manipulating your therapist? Sometimes residential therapy is the best way to help your teen find out why they are compulsively lying.  What is going on internally and emotionally to cause this behavior?  Contact us for more information.

The post Teens Lying and Manipulation first appeared on Help Your Teens.