Unlike bullying in person which can be contained to classrooms, buses or neighborhoods, cyberbullying is on a global platform that can spread worldwide. It can be in the form of a text message spread to millions of peers (and strangers), or on a social media post gone viral. We have seen the results of sexting scandals that have crisscrossed our country in both middle schools and high schools — leaving adolescents emotionally devastated.

Has your teen sent or received a sext message or posted something inappropriately, only to become a target of online shame? Never doubt the cruelty of some people online — with the anonymity of social media, peers can take on a new persona without a second thought that there is a real person behind the screen.

Have you noticed your teen:

-Becoming withdrawn, avoiding friends or social events
-Feelings of sadness
-Hiding their screen (phone or computer) from your view
-Grades are dropping, skipping classes, school refusal
-Seems anxious or angry when on their device
–Isolating themselves in their room (more than normal)
-Believe they are doing drugs or drinking (maybe self-medicating)

These are some indications that your teen might be a victim of cyberbullying. Being aware of the effects of cyberbullying can help you support your child.

4 Mental Health Effects of Cyberbullying on Teenagers

1. Depression and anxiety.

Many teens are seeking gratification and approval through their social media platforms, basing their self-worth on how many “likes” or followers they garnish through their posts. Teenagers who search for acceptance on social media are more likely to succumb to those that are not always going to agree with them. Another words, they are at a higher risk of cyberbullying and online hate.

There is a vast amount of research which concurs that teens that are victims of online bullying and harassment has consistently led to higher levels of depression and anxiety.  In addition, one study found that 93% of the teens that were victimized felt sadness, hopelessness, powerlessness and loneliness.

Since 2019 the numbers have doubled of youth struggling with depression and anxiety, and many experts have blamed the increase of screen-time for this statistic — cyberbullying has also increased 40 percent since 2020.

2. Digital self-harm

Digital self-harm is a trend that parents might not be aware of. Studies show distressed teens physically injure themselves via cutting, burning or other forms of self-harm as a way to cope with their pain.

Teens are anonymously posting mean and derogatory comments about themselves on social media as a way to manage feelings of sadness and self-hatred and to gain attention from their friends.

According to the American Psychological Association, teens who physically injure themselves often struggle with depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or difficulties with emotional regulation.

3. Self-harm and suicide ideation

Again, there has been numerous reports proving victims of cyberbullying are at a greater risk of both self-harm and suicidal behaviors. Teens that are being constantly harassed by peers (or strangers) through digital means (social media, text messages, instant messaging) often begin to feel helpless and hopeless.

If your teen is a victim of revenge porn or a sext message gone viral, the embarrassment and humiliation can be overwhelming. Maybe it’s a malicious prank someone posted about them — the online shame your teen feels can be emotional traumatic.

That’s when a teen may believe only way to relieve the pain is to end their life — or some will self-harm such as cutting or burning themselves.

4. Eating disorders.

Social media is where teens are posting images faster than lightening. The numbers are overwhelming and although much of the content supports positive body image, some promote the opposite — body shaming. A teen will literally spend hours perfecting an image to post online, and within minutes haters can pile on distasteful comments, ugly memes, and spread harmful rumors.

The relation of body image to bullying is strong. In one study, 90 percent indicated that they are currently bullied and 75 percent reported struggling with a clinically significant eating disorder.

Never doubt, the digital playgrounds your teens are on can be a harsh environment. The old cliché of sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you, is history. YES, words hurt and the pain can be long-lasting if not addressed with professional help.

Also read:

How to Help My Teen Handle Cyberbullying.

What Causes Teen Mental Health Issues.

How to Limit Screen-Time.

The Impact of Bullying on Teens.

###

If your teen is struggling with any of the above issues and local resources haven’t been able to help, contact us to learn more about how residential treatment can benefit your teen and family.

The post Effects of Cyberbullying on Teens first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Generations earlier have failed to realize the emotional damage and consequences that hurtful and harmful words have on young people — the old cliché that sticks and stones will break your bones, but words could never hurt is now history. Words hurt and can leave a trail of emotional scars for years if not addressed.

Signs of teen bullying:

-Sadness, anxiety
-Withdrawn, avoiding friends
-Skipping classes, school refusal, poor academic performance
-Trouble sleeping
-Change of appetite
-Physically not feeling well (frequent headaches, stomach aches)
-Possibly self-medicating (substance use)

Bullying is not always at school, it can be at their activities such as sports, dance, gymnastics or any extra-curriculum. Or possibly at a part-time job or community center where they volunteer. Bullying is mean and hurtful behavior that happens repeatedly. Studies have proven that the psychological impact of teen bullying can last well into adulthood if it’s not addressed.

If your teen is being bullied it is likely they feel angry, helpless, lonely, hopeless, and isolated from their peers. Bullying victims tend to experience a wide range of emotions that can prevent them from attending classes or refusing to go to school. In some situations, the target of bully will turn to drugs or alcohol to numb their pain or even have dark thoughts of ending their life.

How Bullying Impacts Teenage Mental Health

1. Depression.

Teens that are bullied by other students at school are more likely to develop depression. Some of the common signs include appetite changes, trouble sleeping, emotional disturbances, and possibly thoughts of suicide. You may notice they start isolating themselves from friends and even family events. They lose interest in their favorite activities and possibly drop out of their sports or other extra-curriculum that they once enjoyed.

2. Anxiety.

Many young people are already struggling with anxiety, however students that are being bullied are more likely to develop anxiety issues. This makes it harder for them to form relationships with friends, peers and teachers. If bullying persists, the anxiety can become so intense that your teen may not want to go to school or participate in school-related activities such as field trips. The bullying literally paralyzing them with fear increasing teenage mental health concerns.

3. Self-harm and suicide ideation.

If your teen is a target of a bully, they can struggle with the emotional pain for years after it ended — including thoughts of suicide. To cope with these negative consequences, some teens even resort to self-harming behaviors like cutting or burning themselves. Research shows that experiencing bullying is associated with an increased risk of self-harming behavior in young people.

Both bullying and cyberbullying are concerns for parents of teenagers today. Since the 2020 cyberbullying has increased by 40 percent, which is causing the more mental health concerns for teenagers.

Keeping your lines of communication open with your teenager is priority. Simply by knowing the signs of bullying and cyberbullying is the first step. It is likely your teen will not tell you if they are being bullied — parents need to be aware of their child’s emotional needs. All teens can be moody, but a parent will have their intuition when something is not right.

Also read:

What Causes Teen Mental Health Issues?

Goals of Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

The Effects of Cyberbullying.

###

If your teen is struggling with emotional issues either from being bullied, harassed, depression or otherwise and you have exhausted your local resources, contact us for a free consultation to learn about the benefits of therapeutic boarding schools. 

The post How Bullying Impacts Teenage Mental Health first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Imagine being a fly on the wall in your daughter’s elementary school class. The teacher introduces a new boy who has just moved into town and then asks the kids to welcome him to the class. It’s obvious that he’s uncomfortable. After all, he misses his old friends and doesn’t know anyone. To make matters worse, he’s shy. You’d think the kids would go out of their way to make him feel comfortable, but the opposite occurs. In fact, his classmates are flat-out mean.

You see, he doesn’t dress like the other boys in town — he’s from another part of the country where customs are different. And the kids laugh at him because he talks funny. 

But what happens next can actually take your breath away.

The kids go from snickering behind his back to being outright cruel to the new student. As the days go by, things go from bad to worse. The kids write nasty notes on his locker and on social media and laugh at him because he sits alone at lunch. Plus, when everyone changes classes, the kids go out of their way to bump into him in the hallway. 

Of course, you might think maybe one kid would do this because he’s outright mean — or he didn’t have a proper upbringing. But you’d expect more from the others, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, more and more kids harass this poor boy because they want to win acceptance from the in-crowd. 

You’d think one kind soul would stand up for him. But unfortunately, no one does.

In fact, even though the grown-ups see what’s happening, no one speaks up or stands up for him. Instead, they pretend it’s not happening or they look the other way. 

Although this hasn’t come down to fist-fighting yet, you know it’s just a matter of time. 

You have to ask yourself, what did this kid do wrong to deserve such ill treatment? He was popular back home, but then again, everyone there talked and dressed like him. 

On a different note, where did these kids learn to be so mean? 

That answer is simple. 

It doesn’t take much these days to find grown-ups who:

• Call people nasty names.
• Judge people they don’t know.
• Shout people down for voicing an opinion.
• Pounce on people for disagreeing with them.
• Bully or make fun of people who look or act differently.
• Shut down debate to drown out dissenting viewpoints.
• Boycott groups that adhere to different values.
• Condemn people for committing acts — even though the facts aren’t completely known. 
• Denounce entire groups of people due to the act of one individual.
• Rant against people in order to appease the in-crowd.

Disgusting, isn’t it?

And all the while, just as happened in the school, people look the other way or remain silent.

How can we be surprised when kids act this way when all they’re doing is copying the behavior they see around them?

Would you want your kids to mimic your behavior?

Excerpted from The Path to a Meaningful Life by Frank Sonnenberg.

# # #

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written nine books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Frank’s newest book, The Path to a Meaningful Life, was released June 14, 2022.

Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers on the Internet. It was recently named one of the “Top Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world, and it continues to be named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs,” the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs,” and the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.” 

The post Where Do Bullies Learn to Be So Mean? first appeared on Help Your Teens.

The headlines of young people (teens) taking their lives after being harassed and bullied online is shocking.

Dolly Everett of Australia, Sarah Ullman of California and Gabriella Green of Florida.

Young girls that were bullied online and didn’t feel they had a way out. The term bullycide has now been defined to describe these young people that become so emotionally distressed by (online and offline) harassment/bullying that they commit suicide.

Are girls getting meaner?

One parent who knew Dolly Everett and her family shared how his daughter was also victim of online bullying. According to Daily Telegraph, this father said his 15-year-old daughter Katelyn had been bullied relentlessly via Snapchat for years.

He posted a photo on Facebook of one of the horrible messages he said Katelyn regularly receives.

“Why don’t you just go cut your wrist until you bleed out,” the message said.

“You’ll do everyone a favour. Go do what dolly did it should’ve been you not her”.

Katie Hurley, author of the new bestselling book, No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong Confident and Compassion Girls (Penguin, January 2018) encourages parents to talk to their daughter’s about relational aggression.

In No More Mean Girls, Katie Hurley stresses the importance of starting these conversations early:

“Define words like gossip, teasing, taunting, public humiliation, excluding, cliques or groups, and cyberbullying (yes, even if your child “never has screen time” and “has no chance of getting a phone anytime soon.”) Avoiding these topics will only keep your daughter in the dark and render her powerless when she does confront them. Educating her and talking about positive alternatives empowers her and prepares her.” – Katie Hurley, No More Mean Girls (Penguin, January 2018)

Short chats are better than long chats

As a family cyber-advocate for over a decade, I’ve encouraged parents to talk to their kids offline about online safety. This is not the sex talk, this is the tech chat. In reality, these are so much easier and can be fun. The one hiccup is — they have to be as regular as, how was your day at school.

We all know that communication is key to help keep our kids safe, both online and off — but at the same time, we understand that talking to our teens (especially) can be a struggle. Maybe we can only squeeze in five – ten minutes at a time, which is better than nothing, especially if it’s on a regular basis.

• Driving to school, a sporting event, dropping them off at a friend’s house etc. Anytime your “side-by-side” with your child in a car is a great time to connect with them.
• Coffee shops, ice cream parlors (or smoothies) – Enjoy a treat with them – and talk tech. Teens love their technology – and in reality, they do want you to be interested in their online life.
• Family dinners – We know parents try, but even if you can do this once or twice a week, make it a habit to ask about everyone’s cyber-life. Any new apps? Websites or virtual friends? Most importantly – have they witnessed any online hate – and what do they do about it?

Yes – talk about what to do when they read people being hurt online. Recently a young teen won a contest for his video on helping bystanders become upstanders. In my interview with him, he shared how he was once a victim of bullying — and didn’t share it with with parents, but wished he had. His video, Leave A Message, is an empowering three minutes you need to share with your child.

Parents, you need to be more involved and interested in your teen’s cyber-life. It truly matters.

Learn more about how to help your child build digital resilience.

Understand why some kids aren’t talking to their parents when they are suffering with digital hate, and try to reassure your teen that no matter what, you are there for them without judgement.

Book chats with teens can truly open up dialogue. My recent book, Shame Nation: Choosing Kindness and Compassion In An Age of Cruelty and Trolling (Sourcebooks, Oct 2017) offers a discussion guide that can help you start a conversation with your teenager. Shame Nation is for teens and parents alike to read.

Let’s not wait for your name or a friend or family to become a headline – start your chats today.

Read: Why Therapeutic Boarding Schools Are Effective.

Read: 5 Benefits of Boarding Schools.

###

If you are struggling with your teenager’s behavior and you have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential treatment can help your troubled teen through emotional growth. Contact us today for a free consultation.

The post How Bullycide Effects Teens first appeared on Help Your Teens.

It’s a sea of sadness when we read headlines of peer cruelty, youth dying and the rise of incivility in our country today. Whether it’s offline, as in the school cafeteria or online, in the palm of your child’s hand, hate is hate and it’s killing our society.

Dr. Michele Borba is a leading bullying prevention expert as well as a best-selling author. In her most recent book, End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy (Free Spirit, February 2018) she gives us a road-map to bring back civility for our young people.

What works and does not work to reduce bullying?

In Dr. Borba’s new book, she explains that bullying is a learned behavior and can be unlearned, but the solutions to ending peer cruelty are not simple. She continues:

All these eye-catching posters and buttons, T-shirt contests, song competitions, one-day trainings, packaged worksheets, or stop-bullying — while they mean well — are not effective solutions. Bullying is not a one-size-fits-all approach that uses the same strategy for the targets, bystanders, and students who bully. After-all, each bullying incident differs in motivation, type, and dynamics, just as each student’s learning needs differ.

Understanding cyberbullying terminology that parents and educators should know:

• Sexting: electronically sending or posting a naked, sexualized, or compromising photo of a person
• Flaming: posting angry, rude comments in an online forum
• Harassment: repeatedly sending offensive messages to someone
• Denigration: attacking someone online by spreading rumors or posting false information
• Outing and trickery: electronically disseminating intimate private information about someone or tricking someone into disclosing private information, which is then disseminated
• Impersonation: pretending to be someone else and posting material online to damage that person’s reputation
• Exclusion: intentionally excluding someone from an online group
• Cyberstalking: creating fear by sending frequent threatening messages to someone

Is your child a victim of bullying or cyberbullying?

Dr. Borba offers insights and warning signs in her new book as well as the 6R’s of prevention.

Bullying:

Most bullying signs go unreported or undetected. Many students are uncomfortable telling adults they were bullied for fear it will make matters worse, because the parent or educator will confront the bullying child. Fear of retaliation is a major concern of targets, and rightly so. Most bullying occurs in areas and times when adults are not present to protect targets. That’s why it’s crucial that educators learn specific warning signs of bullying so they can support potential targets. Every student can have an “off” day and display a sign or two, so look for a sudden unhealthy behavior that is not typical of the student and endures. Of course, the signs might also indicate other problems, but any signs warrant closer examination and discussing with other staff members and the child’s parents.

Cyberbullying:

A perpetrator uses digital media (such as texts, emails, IMs, website posts, tweets, videos) to hurt, threaten, embarrass, annoy, blackmail, or otherwise target another child. Though it is most common during the middle school years, the problem is making its way into the younger set. It is not surprising that cyberbullying has the potential to cause severe psychological damage in targeted children. Though most electronic bullying happens off school grounds, many students carry cell phones or tablets to school, so the staff should be aware of these signs. In addition to many of the signs just listed, a child who is being cyberbullied may:

• be hesitant to go online, or act nervous when an IM, text message, or email appears
• act visibly upset after using a computer or cell phone, or suddenly avoid electronic devices
• hide or clear the computer or cell phone screen when a peer or adult approaches
• spend longer hours online in a more tense, pensive posture

End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy is a must-own for every parent and teacher. It offers step-by-step valuable and practical solutions — as well as information to help you navigate through a generation of “mean.” From elementary school to middle and high school, no one escapes the scars of bullying, but with education and awareness we are on the way to helping to combat it.

How will you help your community become a kinder one – offline and online?

Is your teen a victim of bullying or cyberbullying?

###

If you are struggling with your troubled teenager and you have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential treatment can help you teen. Contact us today for  a free consultation.

The post End Peer Cruelty: Understanding Bullying first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Bullying is a major problem for teens. It is estimated that at least 50% of teen suicides can be attributed to bullying, and suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among young people.

Bullying also leads to depression, loss of motivation, personality change, self-harm, eating disorders, and substance abuse. It is already estimated that 1 in 3 teens experiment with drugs or alcohol by the time they finish the eighth grade. Bullying only increases the chances that your child will try drugs or alcohol. Spotting the signs of bullying before it becomes too severe can prevent teens from hurting themselves or developing an addiction.

Addiction can either begin rapidly or manifest over time. Bullying causes trauma, and trauma can follow a person for a lifetime. This trauma can cause a person to look for outlets and ways to feel better, or ways just to forget. Most addicts suffer from another underlying mental illness, and this often times was directly caused or triggered by emotional trauma. Drugs can often be a safe haven for someone suffering from trauma, anxiety, and/or depression. Drugs offer a false sense of confidence and happiness that bully victims lack; this is why it can be so hard for a bully victim to put down drugs.

Here are some ways to understand teens and addiction:

Skipping school

Bully victims often will skip school out of fear of harassment by their bully. This can lead to mischievous activities or risk taking. When a person begins skipping school or extracurricular activities they may begin to hang around people who are doing the same things. This can introduce your child to a “bad crowd” that may already be experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Teens who have friends or acquaintances who use drugs are far more likely to experiment. 

Low self esteem

Bully victims often develop low self-esteem and self-worth. Drugs offer a false sense of confidence that seem to “fix” this problem. A person eventually finds that they need drugs or alcohol to feel normal or like they fit in.

Isolation

Bully victims lose motivation and interest in others. When they begin to abuse drugs this is exacerbated. A child may begin to stay out late, avoid friends and family, or stay in their room for long periods of time.

Personality changes

Bully victims and those suffering from addiction both begin to have significant personality changes. They lose interest in their favorite hobbies and activities. If they were once out-going they may become more introverted and lonely. Bully victims often become very depressed and find drugs or alcohol a way to “self-medicate”.

Bullies are at risk, too

There is research that suggests that bullying perpetrators are also at risk.  Amanda Nickerson, PhD, Professor and Director of the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention at University of Buffalo stated that “A fair amount of research has found higher rates of substance use among bullying perpetrators.”

Bullies often have turbulent lives at home or other underlying mental health issues which leads to their mischievous activities like violence, sexual promiscuity, and drug use.

Parents also play a vital role in protecting their children. It is common for parents or teachers to brush of bullying as “kids being kids” or that it is just “part of growing up”. Parents who can support their children and report bullying effectively have a high likelihood of preventing their children from trying drugs. This is crucial because teens who experiment with drugs are far more likely to develop and addiction later in life. Avoiding the perception of neglect plays a vital role in parenting and prevents childhood trauma.

Another study at the University of Buffalo examined 119 teens who said they had consumed alcohol in the past month. “They found teens who were severely bullied and who had strong support from their mothers and family cohesion—such as family members asking each other for help and spending free time together—were less likely to drink than bullied teens without strong maternal support and tight family bonds.”

Always talk to your child about bullying and take their concerns seriously. Addressing bullying quickly can mean the difference between development of an addiction or childhood trauma.

Contributor: Trevor McDonald

Read: 5 Benefits of Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Read: Success in Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Read: Why Residential Treatment Works When Home Therapy Fails.

###

If you are struggling with your troubled teenager and you have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential treatment can help your teen. Contact us today for  a free consultation.

The post The Relationship Between Bullying and Drug Abuse first appeared on Help Your Teens.