This is one of the most common complaints we hear from parents today. Today’s teen has zero respect for authority – it’s not like generation’s earlier. When our parents told us to come home at 10pm, there was never a question – we were actually home ten minutes earlier!

Backtalk? We wouldn’t dream of it, unless we enjoyed the taste of soap – or a good whipping! Yes, I said it. I’m not saying any of us were abused, I’m only saying our parents were allowed to discipline us – and we learned respect very early in our tween-age life.

-Are you tired of your teen swearing at you?
-Does your teen ignore you when you talk to them?
-Is your teen rude to you, especially in front of others?
-Are they destructive to your home?
-Are you at your wit’s end with the door-slamming and possible destructive behavior?

Is your teenager defiant?

Not all teenagers are rude or disrespectful, but disrespect is a common part of teenage growth and development.

This is partly because your teen is expressing and testing independent ideas, so there’ll be times when you disagree. Developing independence is a key part of growing up. It’s a good sign that your child is trying to take more responsibility. But your child is also still learning how to handle disagreement and differing opinions appropriately.

Also, your teen is trying to balance their need for privacy with your need to stay connected and show you care. So sometimes you might get a rude or disrespectful response because your teen feels you’re taking too much interest in what they’re doing or invading their space.

Your teen’s moods can change quickly too. Because of the way teenage brains develop, your child can’t always handle changing feelings and reactions to everyday or unexpected things. And this can sometimes lead to over-sensitivity, which can lead in turn to grumpiness or rudeness. Teenage brain development can also affect your child’s ability to empathize and understand other people’s perspectives, including yours.

Sometimes disrespectful behavior might be a sign that your child is feeling particularly stressed or worried.

Teenagers are also starting to think more deeply about things, so they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before. Some young people seem to have a conflicting and radical view on everything, and might question previously held beliefs. This shift to deeper thinking is a normal part of development too.

And sometimes teenagers are disrespectful because they think it might be a way to impress others, or because they’ve seen their friends behave this way.

Avoiding teen disrespect, defiance and rebellion:

Arguing rarely works for parents or teenagers. When we get angry, we can say things we don’t mean. A more effective approach is to give yourself and your child some time to calm down.

If you’re angry or in the middle of an argument, it will be hard to calmly discuss what you expect of your child. A more effective approach is to tell your child that you want to talk, and agree on a time.

Being defensive is very rarely useful. Try not to take things personally. It might help to remind yourself that your child is trying to assert their independence.

Even though you have more life experience, lecturing your child about how to behave is likely to turn them off listening. If you want your child to listen to you, you might need to spend time actively listening to your child.

Nagging isn’t likely to have much effect. It might increase your frustration, and your child will probably just switch off.

Sarcasm will almost certainly create resentment and increase the distance between you and your child.

Do you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells in your home? Is your teen quick to anger? Do they yell at you? It might be time to consider professional help with a counselor to help learn coping skills. It could be more than disrespectful behavior, there could be underlying mental health issues that need to be addressed.

Have you exhausted all your local resources? Do you feel like you’re a hostage in your own home — are you at your wit’s end?

Read: Where to Send My Troubled Teenager.

Read: 5 Benefits of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens.

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Contact us today for a free consultation about the benefits of residential treatment for defiant behavior in teenagers.

The post Dealing with a Defiant Teenager first appeared on Help Your Teens.

A word that needs to come back into this generation of teenagers.

It’s evident we live in a society of entitlement.

As a child approaches adolescence, the natural exploration of boundaries and the need to assert his own independence often leaves his parents feeling as if all respect between them has dissipated. Arguing, defiance and even foul language are normal, though admittedly incredibly frustrating, aspects of parenting a teenager.

While regaining a teen’s respect may seem like an impossible proposition, there are ways that you can restore some semblance of balance and civility to your relationship as he gets older. While patience and a refusal to reward bad behavior are the keys to maintaining a measure of order in your home as the parent of teenagers, there are some methods that can supplement your efforts along the way.

Show Respect

In order to maintain your teenager’s respect, you’ll need to make sure that you show the same measure of respect in return. If you resort to shouting, threats and anger to get your point across, your teen isn’t likely to have much respect for your pleas for civility. Demanding that your adolescent child blindly follows your directions and falls in line with your rules while refusing to show any sort of respect for their own valid feelings and needs is far more likely to backfire than to inspire
rank-and-file obedience.

Set Reasonable Boundaries

Just as younger children need to know what the boundaries of acceptable behavior are in order to stay within them, so will your teen. The difference between them is that your teenager will need a bit of independence to make his own choices. Allowing him a reasonable amount of space to explore the world as he matures will allow your teen to make mistakes that will serve as learning experiences, and not feel as if he’s being stifled by the demands of adults that he views as out of touch with the world.

While you certainly don’t want to encourage dangerous experimentation or condone bad decisions that will affect the rest of his life, it is wise to give him ample space to make a few minor mistakes he can learn from.

Maintain an Open Line of Communication

When a teen feels as if you’re completely out of touch and aren’t willing to listen to him, he’s not likely to approach you with his concerns or seek advice from you about difficult situations he faces.

Making sure that you establish and maintain an open line of judgment-free communication reinforces the idea that he can still come to you when he’s in trouble, and that you will respect his growing maturity. In return, your teen is more likely to extend the same respect to you.

Try Not to Feel Hurt or Rejected

It’s normal to feel as if you’re being rejected by your teenager when he seems to constantly choose his friends and peers over you, but it’s important to remember that it’s a natural part of growing up. Feeling that pain is understandable and acceptable, but it’s not a good idea to act on your hurt feelings by lashing out or establishing excessively restrictive rules that force him to spend his free time with you. Forced time is not quality time, and will almost certainly end in a showdown.

Realize That “Do as I Say, Not as I Do” is Counter-Productive

The desire to ensure that your child doesn’t make the same mistakes you have or exhibit the same problem personality traits can create an environment in which you expect your child to follow your instructions while you openly flout them. The “do as I say, not as I do” approach isn’t effective when children are young, but it can truly come back to haunt you when a teenager accuses you of hypocrisy and unfairness. Try to model the behavior you want your teen to exhibit to the best of your abilities to avoid these altercations and encourage him to respect you.

Give Them Responsibilities

Kids who have no responsibilities and a sense of entitlement that leads them to feel as if the world owes them everything have no respect for anyone or anything. Making sure that your children have some responsibilities, both financial and in the way of chores or daily tasks, may not seem like a recipe for respect on the surface, however the qualities that having some responsibility instills naturally extend themselves to having a bit more respect than their overindulged peers.

Recognize the Things They Do

While you’re delegating responsibility and setting reasonable boundaries, make sure that you take the time to acknowledge and openly appreciate the things that your teenager does. Feeling as if his efforts to abide by the rules and contribute to the household are completely unnoticed or unappreciated doesn’t inspire your teen to keep meeting expectations that he knows you won’t acknowledge anyway. Take a moment to thank your teen for helping out or behaving well, and let him know that the freedom he is afforded is directly tied to the fact that his good behavior at home indicates to you that he can be trusted.

Also read:

5 Benefits of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens.

Goals of Behavior Modification Programs for Teens.

Why Residential Therapy Works.

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Is your teen completely out of control? Disrespecting you and your boundaries? Are you feeling like a hostage in your own home? After exhausting your local resources, such as reaching out for help with a counselor, please contact us about information for residential therapy.

The post How to Teach Respect to Teens first appeared on Help Your Teens.