For example if your teen’s good friend suggests favorite TV shows, movies or music – it can be considered positive peer influence. However sometimes your child starts gravitating to a less than desirable peer friend/group that could lead them to try drugs or skip school. This is negative peer pressure.

All of us want our teenager to have that good friend that encourages our child to get their homework done, study hard, get good grades, search for a summer job, save money, are respectful to adults and overall disapprove of illegal or risky behavior.

When you realize your teen has chosen a new questionable friend, it can be very concerning. Some teenagers might choose to try things they normally wouldn’t be interested in, like smoking or behaving in antisocial ways or not attending school.

Signs your teen is struggling with negative peer pressure

If you notice the following behavioral changes in your teen, it could mean they are struggling with keeping up with a new peer group.

• low moods, tearfulness or feelings of hopelessness
• aggression or antisocial behavior that’s not usual for your child
• sudden changes in behavior, often for no obvious reason
• trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or waking early
• loss of appetite or over-eating
• reluctance to go to school
• withdrawal from activities your child used to like
• statements about wanting to give up, or life not being worth living.

Helping your teen manage peer pressure

Coping well with peer influence is about getting the balance right between being yourself and fitting in with your group.

-Building self-confidence.  Confidence can help teenagers resist negative peer influence. That’s because confident teenagers can make safe, informed decisions and avoid people and situations that aren’t right for them. You can build your teen’s confidence by encouraging them to try new things that give them a chance of success, and to keep trying even when things are hard.

-Build self-compassion. Self-compassion is being kind to yourself and treating yourself with the same warmth, care and understanding you’d give to someone you care about. When teenagers have self-compassion, it can help them handle any stress and anxiety related to peer influence.

-Keep the lines of communication open. You can do this by staying connected to your child. This helps your child feel they can come to you to talk if they’re feeling pressured to do something they’re uncomfortable with.

-Suggest ways to say no.  Your child might need to have some face-saving ways to say no if they’re feeling influenced to do something they don’t want to do. For example, friends might be encouraging your child to try smoking pot. Rather than simply saying ‘No, thanks’, your child could say something like, ‘No, it makes my asthma worse’, or ‘No, I don’t like the way it makes me smell’.

-Give teenagers a way out. If your teen feels they’re in a risky situation, it might help if they can text or phone you for back-up. You and your teen could agree on a coded message for those times when your child doesn’t want to feel embarrassed in front of friends. For example, they could say that they’re checking on a sick grandparent, but you’ll know that it really means they need your help.

If your child does call you, it’s important to focus on your child’s positive choice to ask you for help, rather than on the risky situation your child is in. Your child is more likely to ask for help if they know they won’t get into trouble.

-Encourage a wide social network. If your teen has the chance to develop friendships from many sources, including sports, family activities or clubs, it will mean they’ve got plenty of options and sources of support if a friendship goes wrong.

In conclusion

Encouraging your teen to have friends over and giving them space in your home can help you get to know your child’s friends. This also gives you the chance to check on whether negative peer pressure and influence is an issue for your child.

If you’re worried your teen’s friends are a negative influence, being critical of them might push your child into seeing them behind your back. If your child thinks you don’t approve of their friends, they might even want to see more of them. So it’s important to talk and listen without judging, and gently help your child see the influence their peers are having.

This might mean talking with your child about behavior you don’t like rather than the people you don’t like. For example, you might say, ‘When you’re with your friends, you often get into fights’. This can be better than saying, ‘You need to find new friends’.

It can help to compromise with your child. For example, letting your child wear certain clothes or have their hair cut in a particular way can help them feel connected to their peers, even if you’re not keen on blue hair or ripped jeans. Letting your child have some independence can reduce the chance of more risky choices.

Read: How Short Talks Build Strong Relationships.

Read: 5 Benefits of Boarding Schools for Troubled Teens.

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If you are struggling with  a teen that is hanging with the wrong crowd, engaging in risky behavior — you have exhausted your local resources and still need teen help, contact us to learn how residential treatment might be able to assist your family.

Sources: RaisingChildren.net.au

The post How to Help Your Teen Handle Peer Pressure first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Your teen’s self-esteem is an important part of their self-image. It helps them feel  worthwhile and more confident in making better choices – especially when it pertains to peer groups or even deciding to skip school.

A healthy self-esteem doesn’t just happen overnight. It’s something that is nurtured and grown throughout a lifetime, and something that the important people in their life have a chance to help cultivate.

Here are some tips for boosting your teen’s self-esteem:

Avoid generic praise. Parents want kids to feel good about the things they do and to encourage them to repeat the types of behavior they value. So parents often say things like “Great job!” after everything from finishing vegetables at dinner to putting socks on in the morning to going down the slide at the park.

While generic congratulations feel good to a child for a short time, after too many times it becomes meaningless. In fact, congratulating a child for things that don’t require real effort can make a child lose trust in the parent’s honesty. Obviously this is an example for younger children – however the New York Time’s best seller by Jessica Lahey, The Gift of Failure, is an excellent example of over-praising a child and especially a teenager can actually hinder them, rather than help them.

Use specific praise generously. It’s helpful to a child’s self-esteem to hear from parents and other adults about their accomplishments, both big and small. Instead of using generic praise, let your child know how much you admire and appreciate his specific behavior. Phrases like “I appreciate your help with the housework. It means we have more time to go to the mall this weekend.” or “I’m so proud of how you tried new activities at school. It’s a great way to find out what your passionate about.” Will help your teen feel good about his abilities and choices.

Avoid negative labels. Most of the way we communicate with others is based in lifelong habits. Unfortunately some unhealthy habits may find their way into your parenting or care giving vocabulary. Labeling a child as being mean, lazy, uncoordinated or hyperactive, or calling him a whiner, liar or babyish can negatively affect his self-esteem. Children are sensitive to what the people they love think about them and words can have a huge effect. Choose your words carefully and talk about challenging behaviors or traits in positive terms.

Become a great listener. Giving your child your full attention and truly listening to what he is saying and how he feels is an immediate self-esteem booster.

When you turn off your phone, the TV and the computer and fully engage with your child it shows him that you really care about him and that you’re interested in what he has to say. That kind of undivided attention is rarer than it should be these days and will make your child feel valued and loved.  In the same way – your teen need to turn off their phone and electronics to listen to you too.

Model healthy self-esteem. Your child looks to you for clues about how to think, act and feel. Make sure you’re sending the right message. Invest in developing your own healthy self-esteem and you’ll be on your way to helping your child develop it too. Have a positive body image, be confident about your abilities, and don’t let petty criticisms from the outside world make you feel bad about yourself and your choices.

If you struggle with esteem issues, talk about them with your child in an age appropriate way and show him the steps you’re taking to develop a healthy self-esteem. Showing your child that you’re not perfect, but that you’re working towards being better, gives him the freedom to accept his flaws too.

Teach problem solving skills. Teaching your child how to objectively assess a situation, brainstorm solutions, and put a plan into action is a proactive way of building self-esteem. Children who feel able to handle challenging situations, who recognize that when they get knocked down they can get right back up and try again, and who are confident that every problem has a solution have a strong sense of self-esteem.

Self-esteem is an important part of a child’s healthy emotional development. It acts like a suit of armor for your child, protecting him from many of the bumps and bruises that come with everyday life. It also gives him a strong foundation to build life skills on.

How Short Talks Can Build Strong Relationships

Causes of Teenager Mental Health Issues

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If you are struggling with your teenager’s behavior and have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential treatment can help your troubled teen through emotional growth. Contact us today for a free consultation.

The post Helping Teens With Self-Esteem first appeared on Help Your Teens.