When parents divorce, it can be difficult for the whole family. For teens, divorce can be particularly difficult. They are already struggling with hormonal changes, peer pressure (online and offline) and now they will have to handle the upheaval of their lives and get used to a new home life.

Teenagers are more likely to cope with the effects of divorce by engaging in risky behaviors. Drug use and early sexual activity are more common among teens of divorce than their peers. If you’re going through a divorce, it’s important to know what type of things you may see from your teen.  Teenagers are particularly susceptible to anger and frustration despite being taught to focus on themselves rather than their parents’ problems.

In short, an impending divorce can significantly increase a teenager’s stress.

Helping your teen deal with divorce

Depending on the relationship you have with your spouse and soon to be ex-spouse, will be the predictor of how well your teen will emotionally survive this difficult time according to one study. Researchers have found that conflict between divorced parents increases the risk of mental health problems in teens. Specifically, parental contention can lead to a child’s fear of abandonment, which can lead to future mental health problems.

Even when a divorce is amicable, it’s natural for teens to grieve the loss of their family life. Expect to see your teen experience a wide variety of emotions, ranging from anger to sadness. Let them know that it’s healthy to share those feelings, but make it clear that it’s important to express them in a healthy manner.

Be prepared for increased emotional and behavioral turmoil. Set firm limits and follow through with consequences when necessary. Make it clear to your teen that you’re still going to do what it takes to keep them safe and help them make healthy choices.

Signs your teen is struggling with your divorce

Most teens are resilient and don’t exhibit psychological problems. However, even if your teen is not exhibiting symptoms of serious mental illness, they may still be struggling. Teens whose parents are divorced experience a wide range of emotions, and sometimes those can manifest in some common disruptions in their life.

Common impacts of divorce on teens include:

• Underachieving in school, failing
• Skipping classes, not going to school
• Behavior problems at school
• Defiance, non-compliance, rebellious
• Depression
• Difficulty forming intimate relationships
• Increased stress
• Sadness or anger at one parent or both
• Argumentative with siblings, parents and others
• Trouble sleeping
• Becoming withdrawn, especially from family functions

Helping your teen cope with this difficult time

Divorce is never easy, but it’s essential to do your best to be present for your teen. Communication is key always in parenting teenagers, especially when going through hard times. Even if you have your short talks, they can go a long way in helping your teen know they matter.

Encourage your teen to share their worries, fears and frustrations. If you are aren’t sure how things will unfold, admit the uncertainty to your teen. They will appreciate your honestly and it can help them understand how difficult this is for you too.

Make sure that your teen understands that they can come to you to talk about the things they are feeling.

Some tips for helping teens adjust include:

• Allow them to weigh in on decisions about their lives
• Attend their extra-curricular activities
• Be consistent with rules and discipline
• Encourage their relationship with their other parent
• Have honest communication about changes in the family
• Maintain a consistent, predictable schedule
• Make sure they feel comfortable asking questions
• Model appropriate behavior
• Offer consistent affection and support
• Offer safe space for them to express their emotions

If your teen exhibits behavior problems or is experiencing changes to their mood, seek professional help. They may benefit from talking to a mental health professional about the changes they are enduring. Sometimes, just a few therapy sessions can be instrumental in helping a teen sort out their feelings over a big issue like divorce.

Read: Make Divorce Easier with These 7 Steps.

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If your teen is struggling with your divorce and you have exhausted your local resources, learn more about how residential therapy may be able to help your family. Contact us for more information.

Sources: VeryWellFamily, University of Missouri

The post Why Divorce Is Difficult On Teenagers first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Divorce can do much more than significantly alter the life of a family. It can also affect children in ways that last well into adulthood. Divorcing parents often neglect their children by failing to acknowledge how divorce affects them emotionally. 

While children may outwardly show little to no reaction during the initial stages of divorce, anger and frustration often build up over time. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to this anger and frustration despite being taught to focus on themselves rather than their parents’ problems.

In short, an impending divorce can significantly increase a teenager’s stress. Let’s dive into some of the reasons why.

What happens during a divorce?

For starters, it’s important to know what exactly happens during a divorce. When a married couple decides to end their marriage through a divorce agreement, there are two main types: fault and no-fault divorce. 

A no-fault divorce is when a marriage ends through circumstances beyond the control of either spouse. A fault divorce is when there has been misconduct on the part of one or both spouses. While both types of divorce can negatively affect a teenager’s wellbeing, a fault divorce tends to be the most problematic. 

A fault type of divorce tends to put more stress on families and leads to other problems that occur during a divorce, such as division of property, child support payments, and custody of children. When parents fight over these things, it can put a lot of stress on their teens, especially if they are asked to choose sides. 

How a teenager might feel during a divorce

Prior to being in an “impending” situation, teens might not have noticeable stress levels to themselves or others. They might be a bit moody and tense, but they can probably go about their regular days like it’s nothing. 

However, once the divorce is looming, teenagers may start to feel anxious and overwhelmed with the amount of change in their lives. This change can be overwhelming for them both on a personal level and an emotional level. 

Teenagers may begin having outbursts of anger and sadness that were not present before. They will also likely begin feeling much guiltier than they did before because they might feel like it is their fault in the back of their mind.

They may also lash out at one parent or another if they feel it is warranted. For example, if a teenager believes their father did something wrong during the marriage—such as cheating on their mother—they may take out their anger and frustration on him once it is announced that they are divorcing. 

Conversely, if the teenager is close to their father and believes that he has done nothing wrong in the relationship, they may end up taking out their feelings of anger and sadness on their mother. They might put all the blame on their mother, but in reality, it might not be anyone’s fault. 

Helping your teen relax

It can be hard for parents to relax during a divorce, so it might be even harder for them to help their teenagers relax. Here are a few tips that can help them get back on track. 

• Remind them everything is going to be okay
• Listen when they want to talk about their pain and anger 
• Encourage them to spend time doing things they enjoy
• Send them positive and encouraging texts
• Try not to take out your own anger and frustration on them
• Don’t make decisions for them without discussing it 
• Talk about what is ahead of you as a family, even if there will be bumps along the way 

Keeping these tips in mind can help to keep your teenager relaxed and grounded while going through the divorce. While it might seem like an impossible task, it is one that you should try your hardest to achieve.

Read: Make Divorce Easier with These 7 Steps.

Read: Success in Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Read: Why Residential Treatment Works When Home Therapy Fails.

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Contact us today for a free consultation for your teen and the right therapeutic boarding school. 

Contributor: Trevor McDonald

The post How an Impending Divorce Can Increase a Teen’s Stress first appeared on Help Your Teens.

Divorce is never easy, but when children are involved it can be even more complicated. When parents break up, it changes the dynamics of the entire family. The child suddenly has to cope with two homes, two sets of rules, and often two sets of parental figures.

This can be very confusing and overwhelming for a teenager. And in some cases, divorce can be extra hard on the children. They may feel like they are to blame, or that they have lost everything. They may feel like they have no one to turn to. If you are going through a divorce, here are seven tips to help make the process easier for your teenager.

Talk to your child

It is important for parents to openly discuss the legislative process with their teenagers, as it will help them better understand how the legal part of marriage works. According to a Brisbane family lawyer, even though it is normal for teens to rebel against their parents’ advice, having clear knowledge of the effects of divorce will allow your child to make up his/her mind calmly and rationally, so consider scheduling them their own appointment with a lawyer. You must let him/her be part of the decision-making process. You can also talk to a counselor or therapist if you feel it is necessary. In addition, consulting with a lawyer can help ensure that your teenager is fully informed about their rights and options during a divorce.

Be supportive of your teenager’s decisions and choices

It is normal for your teenager to feel angry, sad, or even guilty after a divorce. They might not be sure about how they should react and what kind of decisions they should make. However, it will help if you show your support by listening to them without judgment. Let them know that their feelings are valid and acceptable in the situation. Help them express their emotions in words, rather than actions.

During the process of divorce, your teenager may feel like they are losing one or both parents. Let them know that you will still be there for them no matter what happens with the divorce proceedings, and encourage them to seek help from family members or friends if they require emotional support.

Allow them space 

It can be helpful for teenagers to spend time with friends or family members that they don’t normally see often. This will give them a chance to express their feelings and emotions in a safe and supportive environment. Exchanging stories and experiences can help them feel understood and less alone during this difficult time.

Divorce can be stressful for everyone involved, so give yourself time to grieve and deal with the changes in your own life. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally by eating healthy, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, meditating, etc.

During this time, attempt only not to put any extra pressure on your child, but don’t go out of your way to change some ground rules and routines, since this will leave them space to try and manipulate you. Children, especially teenagers, can try to act out in an attempt to attract more attention and sympathy from their parents.

Make sure to establish boundaries and consequences 

The divorce proceedings can be overwhelming for teenagers, especially if they are required to take sides or make decisions about custody arrangements etc. You must make it clear to them what the consequences of their choices will be and set age-appropriate household rules/boundaries.

It is not uncommon for teenagers to feel resentful towards their parents after a divorce. Try your best to remain calm and avoid passing on that anger by punishing the child harshly or yelling at them. Make sure that your punishments are logical and reasonable, as teenagers can be very sensitive about being treated unfairly.

Be patient with yourself and don’t give up

Divorce can be a trying time for everyone involved, so it is important to remain patient with yourself and the situation. It will take time before you fully cope with this change, but it will get better with each day that goes by. If you find yourself struggling to deal with your emotions or coping mechanisms during this difficult time, consider seeking the help of a therapist. They can also provide support for your teenager if needed.

Expect a rebellion

Teenagers are used to following their parent’s instructions without question. Therefore, you must be patient and tread carefully during the divorce proceedings. You want them to follow your directions, but not feel forced into doing something they do not agree with. Let them express their thoughts and feelings, without judgment, and encourage them to seek help from family members or friends if they require emotional support.

Occasionally, teenagers can begin to feel like strangers in the home after a divorce. Try not to take it personally if they don’t seem interested in spending time with you or participating in activities they normally enjoy. This may be because they do not know how to act at home anymore and need

Stay positive and  you will get through this

It’s natural to feel sad, depressed, or even resentful about the situation after a divorce. However, try your best to remain calm and stay optimistic by treating yourself with compassion and love.

The divorce proceedings will be difficult, but you will get through this with time. Create a healthy support system for yourself by surrounding yourself with positive people that understand what you are going through.

A divorce is one of the most difficult experiences that any person can go through in their lifetime, but it does not have to destroy your family if both parents want to cooperate and work together. As we experience this thing called life, we accumulate memories, positive or negative, that stay with us for the rest of our time here.

For some, these memories can be painful, and we find ourselves wishing we could alter them in some way. All of that is life-changing to some extent, but there are choices we can make that allow us to re-write our script. What seems like an insurmountable challenge today becomes a memory tomorrow. No matter what you are going through, it will change and be done soon enough.

Also read: How An Impending Divorce Can Increase Your Teen’s Stress.

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Contact us if you have exhausted your local resources with your troubled teen. We help you make smart decisions for teen help programs, therapeutic boarding schools and other options for struggling teens.

The post Make Divorce Easier for Your Teenager With These 7 Tips first appeared on Help Your Teens.